It turns out we were still on WordPress 1, 1.5.2 to be precise. Somehow in half a decade we were not hacked.
But there sure was a lot of comment spam: 330,038 awaiting moderation.
WordPress update was not happy. Neither was phpMyAdmin. The DB could have been corrupt but the site continued to render. It was time to migrate CounterFrag from our durable, and seemingly hacker proof, aging porn-friendly host, once known as PhatServers, to a much more modern Digital Ocean.